


Gilmore’s Glorious Goods (And its Shocking Supply of Weapons and Armor)

by PH03N1X_360



Series: Tales from the University of Emon [8]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Armor, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Shopping, The Vax Fanclub
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-19 13:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29999901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PH03N1X_360/pseuds/PH03N1X_360
Summary: The Gang goes shopping for dangerous objects.(This will make more sense if you read the whole series. <3)
Relationships: Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia, Shaun Gilmore & Keyleth, slight vaxilmore
Series: Tales from the University of Emon [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2155557
Comments: 12
Kudos: 6





	1. Armor

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! It’s been a bit. This one was long, and I’m giving it more than one chapter so y’all have something to read from this series. I really like this one, I hope you all enjoy!

“Hello?” Keyleth called into the shop. The eight of them, nine including Taryon’s mechanical construct, had piled into Gilmore’s Glorious goods. Grog was ducking heavily to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling, as was Dotty. 

“He was out front last time,” Vax muttered. As if on cue, Gilmore burst through the curtains in the back with a flourish.

“Ah, Customers! I believe I know you two,” Gilmore nodded to Keyleth, then turned and winked at Vax. “Who are the rest of you fine folks?”

“Scanlan.” Scanlan shouted from somewhere behind Grog.

“Vex, Vax’s twin.” Vex raised her hand slightly. 

“I’m Pike,” Pike elbowed her way to the front.

“Grog.” Grog said.

“Taryon Darrington.” Tary seized Gilmore’s hand and shook it furiously. 

“And, finally, Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klossowski de Rolo III.” Percy stepped forward with a slight bow.

“Call him Percy.” The rest of the party sighed. 

“It’s - It’s a pleasure, all of you.” The shopkeep nodded, finally extracting his hand from Tary’s iron grip. “How may I help you?”

“We are looking for something... odd, and I’m honestly not entirely sure it’s really... legal.” Vex took over, pouring all the persuasion she had into her words.

Gilmore’s brow furrowed. “Drugs? I don’t have that-“

“No, no, no, we... we need weapons and armor.” Vex finished lamely, slightly thrown by the drug thing. At once, Gilmore’s eyes lit up.

“Sherri! Watch the store, I’m taking these folks downstairs,” He yelled back, and a weary looking woman stepped out from the back curtain. 

“Don’t take too long.” She sighed.

“Alright, you lot, this way.” He excitedly lead them behind the curtain, down a long hall, and to one of the back rooms. Carefully, he waved his hand, and the room shifted, showing a steep staircase. Motioning for them to follow, Gilmore slipped down the stairs, the party at his heels.

What they saw before them was not what anyone was expecting. Rows and rows of armor were displayed neatly on an assortment of beat up armor stands. Swords, bows, axes, and daggers adorning the walls. In the middle of the room, there was a large sand pit where four training dummies stood.

“So.” Gilmore said, sweeping his hand in a large gesture. “What do you need it for? Will it see actual battle, or will it be decorative? Same with weapons. What are you looking for?”

“It will see battle, yes,” Vax said hesitantly. 

“Why, may I ask?” Gilmore cocked his head slightly. Vax’s face went red.

“We’re going to overthrow a corrupt Lord and Lady who may or may not be vampires and who have been repeatedly trying to kill me.” Percy explained. 

“Alright, so you’ll be looking here...” The shopkeep hurried over to one of the rows of armor and, to the further amazement of the group, was thoroughly unfazed by this. “This row I had made recently. Most of them are enchanted by yours truly. They are organized from function to form, and separated by material. There’s tape on the floor where the cut off is between ornamental and usable. Anything beyond that, I wouldn’t take into battle.” He rapped his knuckles on one of the plate mail ones with a [clang]. “Let me know when you’re set and we’ll see about weapons.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This. This is amazing.” Vax ran his fingers against the fine black leather of a chest plate. Vex nodded emphatically, gazing at a set of archery bracers. 

“I love this place!” Pike squealed, a beautiful set of silver plate mail in her grip. “What’s the enchantment on this again?” 

Gilmore’s head popped out from behind one of the racks. “A silencing charm, easier for sneaking about. 

“I’m taking it.” She nodded firmly.

“Wonderful! Changing rooms are over here...” Gilmore pointed to a set of curtained off rooms near the exit. Quickly, she pulled the armor off of the stand and hurried over. Percy wandered over to Vex, clutching a set of leather armor. His signature coat was draped over one arm, and his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. 

“See anything?” He asked, and Vex shook her head.

“I don’t really know. My old set was brown and blue, I don’t know whether or not to keep the same aesthetic or switch it up.” She sighed. Percy pondered it for a moment.

“Come here a moment, I want to show you something. And, I think you’re going to want those bracers. They make it easier to hit stuff.” He said, adjusting his grip’ on the armor and starting off for a different area of the shop. Vex shoved one in her hoodie pocket and followed. As they went, she realized they weren’t in the Leather section any longer. 

“Where are we going? I was planing on sticking to leather,” She asked. Percy chuckled, then stopped suddenly.

“Try this one on,” He said.

It was, frankly, beautiful. White scales overlapped on an intricate breastplate. The shoulder pieces were flared out and edged with intricate gold detailing. A long trail of fabric extended from the back, fading into blue. It was complete with tall boots and matching shin guards. Vex couldn’t help the small gasp she gave.

“I could never afford this,” She murmured sadly, feeling the trail reverently.

“I know. My treat.” Percy said. Vex’s heart stopped for a minute.

“[What]?!?” Her eyes went wide. “We haven’t even known each other for a few weeks, I couldn’t possibly-“

“Dear. You’re about to risk your life for my sake. It’s all coming from the Briarwoods’ treasury, and It looks wonderful with your feathers.” He interrupted.

“How is it coming from the treasury?” Vex’s brow furrowed. 

“Hacked in, got a debit card without a balance, all coming from their treasury.” Percy said nonchalantly. “Tary helped me with it the other day. Come on, go try it on, I’m right behind you.”

Vex didn’t need to be told twice. She nearly barreled into Pike on her way out, looking fantastic in hers. A blue neck scarf adorned her neck along with her holy symbol. She darted into the first available one and flung the curtain closed behind her.

“What was that about?” Pike asked, looking completely bewildered.

“She found a really cool one,” Percy chuckled. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“See anything you like?” Gilmore leaned up against one of the walls beside Keyleth.

“Yeah, sort of.” She muttered absentmindedly. When she didn’t respond further, he sighed.

“So, ah, are you and Vax... together?” He asked. Keyleth’s head snapped up.

“Um, no, not really, why?” She sputtered.

“Do you want to be?” 

A pause. “I-I would. Yes.” Keyleth fiddled with her beads. Gilmore nodded.

“I’ll back off, then.” He said. “Do let me know if it doesn’t work out, alright? I wouldn’t mind getting in on that.” 

“Alright. Yeah, I will. The Vax Fanclub?” She held out a hand. 

“Solidarity.” Gilmore shook it. 

“Hey Keyleth, what do you think of this one?” Vax called from the changing rooms.

“Coming!” She called. She nodded once to the shopkeep and strode over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This one.” Taryon announced, throwing the curtain aside. Light shimmered from many gemstones imbedded all over it. Pike and Percy nodded, slightly shielding their eyes dressed in their own selections. Scanlan, who had wandered over, gave an impressive facepalm for someone of his stature.

“You forgot the helmet.” Percy observed. 

“That I have. I already have one, I don’t need two.” He said proudly. “It will match brilliantly with this.”

“What about you, Scanlan?” Pike asked.

“I have a set my mother gave me before- well. Irrelevant. But yes, I have something,” Scanlan waved off the question. Just then, one of the curtains slid open, and Vex stepped out, adorned in the gorgeous white scale. Percy forgot how to breathe.

“Hey, Grog!” She yelled. Grog jogged over from whatever he was doing in the corner. “My bow?” 

“One sec.” He stuck his hand into a bag and fumbled around for a while, then winced. 

“Um, Vex?” He rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Yes Grog?” A hint of dread colored her voice. Grog pulled out two pieces of wood, cleanly snapped and connected by a long string. She stood speechless for a moment, taking it from him. Carefully, she undid the bowstring and wound it up round her hand, before placing the broken pieces back into the bag.

“That bow I stole from my father’s house. That bow has saved me and my brother’s life more than I can count. You are buying me a new one,” Vex informed him coolly. Grog swallowed and nodded. Keyleth slipped out of a second room in flowing green. Vax followed a moment later from a different one, all dark leather and black feathers. He did a double take at Vex. 

“Holy Shit, Vex’ahlia. You look amazing... How much is that going to cost?” Vax did a lap around her. 

“Oh, I’m not paying for it. The Briarwoods are, thanks to Tary and Percival.” She puffed up slightly. Vax gave Percy a side eye.

“...Alright.” He said, not breaking eye contact. 

“Friends, have you made your selections?” Gilmore asked, sauntering over. They nodded, and the shopkeep clapped his hands together. 

“Wonderful. Let’s get you all some weapons!” Gilmore said gleefully.


	2. Weaponry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On to the weapons!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Back again with another chapter. I decided to make it three chapters bc i realized: *gasp* I FORGOT THE MAGIC ITEMS so that’s something to look forward to. I wanted to apologize for my sporadic postings, i Just took on two large projects on accident, so ehehe mistakes. Also I nerded out w/ my sister over a show and i inflicted it on them, sorryyyyy. See u later!

“Can we keep the armor on, or-“ Vex asked, clearly not wanting to. Gilmore waved her off.

“Yes, keep it on! You aren’t going to fight in jeans, you need to get used to it! Except Grog, I think he’s right when he says he doesn’t need armor.” He nodded to the Goliath, who flexed menacingly. “So, what are you in the market for?”

“Well, my old bow just broke. I have a bowstring I would like to put on it, though,” Vex sighed. 

“I have enough daggers, I think. I may take a look around, anyway. The rest of us may just have a look around. ” Vax shrugged.   
“Oh! That reminds me...” Gilmore snapped his fingers and darted to a nearby bin. He rummaged about for a moment before pulling out a belt. It was in the shape of a snake, tail wrapping around the head in a twisted knot. “This goes with that armor.” He handed it to Vax. At once, the snake came to life, twisting around his arm with a soft _hiss_. It slithered down around his waist and knotted back up again before going still. 

“Oh. My. Gods.” Keyleth squealed. “That’s so cool!”

“Holy shit.” Vax blinked for a moment. “Simon. It’s name is Simon.”

“Why Simon?” Scanlan asked, “What’s the significance behind it?”

“I knew a kid once named Simon. My sister and I helped save him from a thing.” Vax explained. 

“A thing.” Scanlan countered.

“People don’t question ‘things’. They just think, _eh, it’s a thing_.” Vex chimed in. Percy’s eyes lit up.

“Doctor Who?” He said excitedly.

“Wait, Yeah that’s Doctor Who!” Taryon piped up.

“No spoilers, Keyleth and I just started. We’re trying to catch up to Vex.” Pike and Keyleth fist bumped.

“I love that show!” Scanlan’s demeanor changed in an instant. The group went silent. “What? I have fandoms.” He said defensively.

“You nerds,” Vax rolled his eyes. 

“You love it, don’t lie.” Vex elbowed him.

“No I don’t.” He said quickly. 

“He came back to the dorms drunk last night. He literally figured the chemical makeup of Gallifrey’s atmosphere and wouldn’t shut up about it.” Percy stage whispered to Tary.

“Yeah yeah, shut up.” The tips of Vax’s pointy ears turned red. 

“What’s Doctor Who?” Grog mused. 

“I’ll explain later.” Pike responded.

“Anyway. Weapons.” Percy turned back to Gilmore, who hastily changed his laughter into a hacking cough.

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “This way!” 

Gilmore marched them over to the other side of the sand pit to the weapon wall. 

“We’ll start with you, Miss Vex’ahlia. Bows are here on this wall. I assume you want something magic.” He nodded to the wall.

“Of course. I have a Bowstring already.” Vex held it up. Gilmore waved a hand over it with a sparkle of arcane energy, then nodded approvingly.

“Nice. I think I know which one to give you. Big man!” He called to Grog, whose head snapped in their direction away from the hammers. “Grab that one on top, would you?” Grog reached up and carefully lifted it down to him.

“This, my friend, is called the Longbow of the Sky Sentinel. Once a day, when you fire an arrow, you can split it into three and imbue them with lightning. Platinum caps and mithril scrolling. I’m certain you recognize the elvish design.” Gilmore explained, handing her the bow. She ran her fingers gently along the curve of the wood. 

“Grog, My quiver?” Vex asked.

“Why do I have to carry everything?” He muttered, reluctantly feeling around inside the bag.

“Because you have a bag of holding and Taryon won’t share his. Thank you, darling.” Vex said, shouldering the quiver.

“Give it a few minutes and attune to it. We’ll try things out as a group.” He informed her. Vex nodded and wandered off to string the bow and admire it. “Who’s next?” 

“Me!” Grog said. “What’ve you got for war hammers? I have an axe, but I want something magicky.”

“Of course! We have a lot of different ones here. For you? Hmm,” Gilmore took it in for a minute, then pulled one off the wall, swaying under its weight. 

“This one is good, but... nope. Not this one.” He shook his head, hoisting it back onto the wall. “I don’t think you’ll like the Brainstorm, nor the Thunderhead, but what about... this one?” It took him a few tries, but Gilmore successfully yanked it off of the wall and drop it at his feet. “This is the Firebrand War Hammer. Once attuned, you can light the head on fire.”

“Woah...” Grog hefted it, admiring it and giving it a few practice swings. 

“Go sit with Vex and attune to it. Anyone else?” The shopkeep asked.

Percy stepped forward. “Do you have some sort of cheep short sword I could have?”

“My good man, wouldn’t you want a nice one?” Gilmore asked perplexed.

“I just need a shitty one in case someone attacked me where I couldn’t use a distance weapon. A plan B, if you will,” Percy explained. Gilmore nodded. 

“Sure. Do you also use a bow?” He asked, grabbing a sword on the bottom rung of the display and handing it over. It looked nice, but it was priced significantly less than the others. 

“No, here.” Percy reached into his coat and pulled out the strange contraption he’d used against the wraith. “This is called a Pepperbox Pistol. I invented it myself. It fires small projectiles at high speeds. I’ll show you,” Percy strode into the sandpit, ice blue eyes glinting over his golden spectacles. He leveled the shot and fired with little warning, the echoing bang reverberating around the room and causing the others to startle. He walked over to the bullet hole and pulled out the bullet, handing it to Gilmore. “You didn’t see anything, got it? If this were to get out to the public, war just got infinitely worse.” 

“I didn’t see anything.” Gilmore confirmed. Percy slipped the weapon back into his coat. “You couldn’t happen to have black powder, would you?” 

“No, unfortunately, I don’t carry any. I do know someone who does, and, If I’m correct in this assumption, you do too,” Gilmore said. Percy grimaced. 

“Yeah, okay.” He muttered. Gilmore glanced down at his watch.

“Alright you two, Let’s see what you got!” He called to Vex and Grog, who launched to their feet. While Grog was fast, Vex was nimbler, and she was able to roll under Vax’s legs and land in the sand pit before Grog.

“Let’s see what you got,” She whispered to no one in particular. Carefully, she reached back, drew one arrow, and notched it in the bowstring. “Keyleth, can you do fire control?” 

Keyleth darted to the other side of the dummies, a small orb of water conjured in each hand. “Got it!” 

Tary leaned into Vax. “Should she be doing that?”

Vax chuckled. “Kiki, put something on their heads, Vex needs a smaller target.” Keyleth closed her eyes in concentration as three strange fruits appeared, one on each of the dummies’ heads. 

“Good to go!” She shouted. Vex took a measured breath, drew back the string, and fired.

The original arrow shot forward, fire licking the shaft in a small inferno. The arrow split into three in mid air and a sparkle of white blue arcane lightning sparkled on each. One by one, each arrow sank neatly into each fruit. The skins scorched under the heat of the electricity. The one in the middle went up in flames, though it was quickly doused by Keyleth. The group clapped wildly. In the chaos, Vax elbowed Tary.

“My sister is the best markswoman on the continent. Remember that.” He whispered. Vex took a dramatic bow.

“Once a day?” She asked, and the shopkeep nodded. 

“My turn!” Grog yelled. Vex barely had time enough to duck out of the way fast enough as the Goliath to a running leap and slammed down onto the target with the Flaming Warhammer. Stuffing and small rocks flew everywhere in small, flaming bits, the majority of it landing on Vex as she desperately scrambled back. Most of it landed on the armor, but particularly sharp rock had managed to hit the side of her face, and she yelped in pain as she scurried out of the sandpit. Once the dust settled, Grog stood in the middle of the room. The hammer laid in the center of the obliterated dummy.

“Whoops.”He said sheepishly. Scanlan and Gilmore chuckled. Pike rushed over to Vex’s side where she sat, panting and dabbing at a long cut below her eye that extended across the bridge of her nose. Pike murmured a few words, and the cut sealed and faded. “Vex, are you okay?”

“Fine now,” she said as Grog hauled her to her feet. “We’ll take all of it.”

“Wonderful!” Gilmore clapped his hands together. “Go put your street clothes on, and we’ll check out.

It took a few minutes, but the group managed to slip out of their new getup and hand it off to the shopkeep. As they stepped out of the trap door, Scanlan tugged on Gilmore’s sleeves.

“Do you have magic thingys?” He asked. Keyleth nodded in agreement. 

“Yes we do,” Gilmore promptly dropped the goods on the floor and rushed off. The party looked to each other, then once again ran off after him.


End file.
